Compersive Vanillas?

How do you explain S&M to a true vanilla? How do you make them understand what it means to submit or dominate, understand that it's not abuse if done properly, that it's not unhealthy?

I recently linked my musical collaborator/lover/former monogamous vanilla boyfriend (he's still pretty mono and VERY vanilla) to my last post, The Musicians, because I wanted him to read what I wrote about him. I explicitly warned him that if he chose to read the rest of my blog, he might not like what he saw. Of course, he chose to read it anyway. He became very upset reading about my kinky lifestyle. His main issue is that he's always believed that people who enjoy causing pain, as well as those who enjoy receiving it, are sick. He is afraid that I'm being degraded, and that I'm addicted to being "abused". It probably didn't help that I told him without this part of my life, I'd probably resort to drug abuse or self-inflicted pain, considering the amount of stress I've been under this year (my mother became very ill, and was hospitalized in January for about three months).

I'm relatively new to the lifestyle/scene, and I'm still in the process of figuring it out myself. I have no experience trying to explain the finer points of the kink mentality to anyone, especially a young vanilla. He loves me, and so far has been very good at accepting my new lifestyle (ie. active polyamory), but can't wrap his head around this. Actually, that's not quite right. He seems to intellectually understand why people might be into the things I'm into, but still feels that it is sick and wrong. He can't make his head and his heart come to agreement on this issue, and I can't really ask him to. I know this is something he will probably never be into, but I would really like him to be able to accept this part of me.

I love him and want him to be happy, and I believe he has the same wishes for me, but right now he is seeing Daddy as my abuser and enabler, not the magical person that is worthy of his favorite lady's affection. I would really like to rectify this. At this point I'm not sure if I can ever have the two in the same room, which sucks but I am sensitive to my collaborator's feelings, and he is trying harder than I expected and is capable of handling more than I ever thought he was. I am amazed everyday at how well he can do this with me, whatever it is we're doing. I would really like him to be somewhat compersive towards my relationship with Daddy, and I think that will only be possible when he has a better vantage point on the kink aspect. Any advice here?