Wednesday, May 5, 2010


For the past 4 months, I've been stuck in a strange town taking care of family stuff. I was completely uprooted from my life, my job, my education, and set down in Houston, Tx, a place I thought to be indisputably uncool. Just over a month ago, all that changed. I found a home here. I found great people, great places to hang out, and great love. I found love so great I've changed the way I look at life. I've opened up to being the person I want to be. I've discovered it's ok to be polyamorous, it's ok to be "sexually liberated", it's ok to be as kinky as I'd like to be. It's also ok to want to change the world.

I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm heading home to a town that I adore, that has cradled me from birth. I'll be heading back to friends who know and love me for who I am, even if it all seems a little odd to them. But a city that once seemed to me an oasis for us "odd ducks", now looks a bit saccharine and fake. The Disneyland for Texas hippies. It's been lovely to be surrounded by people that aren't part of "the scene", whatever that scene may be. Austin is full of the "hipper-than-thou", and everyone's pretty much cooler-than-me.

It's not so much that my perception of Austin has changed in the past months, but that it no longer holds my heart. My heart will remain inside the loop with the man who was extracted from me by a rogue lightning bolt. The circumstances that brought me to Houston were not happy, but I'm glad I was here for him to find me. I thank him everyday for finding me.

Thank you Daddy, for finding me when I didn't know I needed to be found. Thank you for bringing things out in me that I didn't know were there, and also for bring out the things I was hiding because they were "just too weird". Thank you for loving me, all of me, my Dominant side as well as my submissive side, the big me as well as the little me and the in between me, the goddess in me as well as the fallible human. Thank you for sharing me with other lovers. Thank you for reassuring me when I get jealous of your others(fallible poly). Thank you for letting me be completely open and honest with my feelings, about our relationships and my relationship to the world. Thank you for sharing your snuff fantasies with me. Thank you for beating the shit out of me because I needed you to. Thank you for beating me just because you enjoy watching me squirm. Thank you for showing me how good it feels to bring a man to his knees. Thank you for serving me, and allowing me to serve you.

Thank you for bravely loving me, for being as stupid over me as I get over you. Thank you for planning with me, even when it gets scary. Thank you for sharing anarchocommunist ideals. Thank you for wanting to change the world with me. Thank you for holding me when everything's too big and scary. Thank you for feeding me bunny-shaped pasta while I cuddle with my Bippo. Thank you for being Daddy in name and behavior. Thank you for spanking me when I'm being a brat. Thank you for loving the brat in me as well as the little angel(she's really there, I promise!).

I'm sad to go without you. We've grown so close in so little time, and it doesn't seem fair to be ripped away from you already. I've finally really been able to get in touch with my little, and now she's venturing out into the world on her own. But I know in my heart of hearts that this is just the first big step on our evolutionary path. I'm digging a big hole between us, so that we can lay the foundation and start building our lives together. I can't wait to build our lives together.

I love you Daddy. I love you Houston friends.

1 comment:

  1. Where to begin? That I am impressed you've done so well summing up something that feels so big, so expansive, so encompassing after so little time together.

    Thank you for being there to be found, for being open to what we can be together. Thank you for being a whole person, so beautiful, sexy, and smart. Thank you for making me read Nabakov and letting me fuck you in the ass.

    I'm going to miss you like crazy while we're apart. Like you I'm going to try to look at this as the first step for us toward building a life together.

    I love you.