Compersive Vanillas?

How do you explain S&M to a true vanilla? How do you make them understand what it means to submit or dominate, understand that it's not abuse if done properly, that it's not unhealthy?

I recently linked my musical collaborator/lover/former monogamous vanilla boyfriend (he's still pretty mono and VERY vanilla) to my last post, The Musicians, because I wanted him to read what I wrote about him. I explicitly warned him that if he chose to read the rest of my blog, he might not like what he saw. Of course, he chose to read it anyway. He became very upset reading about my kinky lifestyle. His main issue is that he's always believed that people who enjoy causing pain, as well as those who enjoy receiving it, are sick. He is afraid that I'm being degraded, and that I'm addicted to being "abused". It probably didn't help that I told him without this part of my life, I'd probably resort to drug abuse or self-inflicted pain, considering the amount of stress I've been under this year (my mother became very ill, and was hospitalized in January for about three months).

I'm relatively new to the lifestyle/scene, and I'm still in the process of figuring it out myself. I have no experience trying to explain the finer points of the kink mentality to anyone, especially a young vanilla. He loves me, and so far has been very good at accepting my new lifestyle (ie. active polyamory), but can't wrap his head around this. Actually, that's not quite right. He seems to intellectually understand why people might be into the things I'm into, but still feels that it is sick and wrong. He can't make his head and his heart come to agreement on this issue, and I can't really ask him to. I know this is something he will probably never be into, but I would really like him to be able to accept this part of me.

I love him and want him to be happy, and I believe he has the same wishes for me, but right now he is seeing Daddy as my abuser and enabler, not the magical person that is worthy of his favorite lady's affection. I would really like to rectify this. At this point I'm not sure if I can ever have the two in the same room, which sucks but I am sensitive to my collaborator's feelings, and he is trying harder than I expected and is capable of handling more than I ever thought he was. I am amazed everyday at how well he can do this with me, whatever it is we're doing. I would really like him to be somewhat compersive towards my relationship with Daddy, and I think that will only be possible when he has a better vantage point on the kink aspect. Any advice here?

Leaving

For the past 4 months, I've been stuck in a strange town taking care of family stuff. I was completely uprooted from my life, my job, my education, and set down in Houston, Tx, a place I thought to be indisputably uncool. Just over a month ago, all that changed. I found a home here. I found great people, great places to hang out, and great love. I found love so great I've changed the way I look at life. I've opened up to being the person I want to be. I've discovered it's ok to be polyamorous, it's ok to be "sexually liberated", it's ok to be as kinky as I'd like to be. It's also ok to want to change the world.

I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm heading home to a town that I adore, that has cradled me from birth. I'll be heading back to friends who know and love me for who I am, even if it all seems a little odd to them. But a city that once seemed to me an oasis for us "odd ducks", now looks a bit saccharine and fake. The Disneyland for Texas hippies. It's been lovely to be surrounded by people that aren't part of "the scene", whatever that scene may be. Austin is full of the "hipper-than-thou", and everyone's pretty much cooler-than-me.

It's not so much that my perception of Austin has changed in the past months, but that it no longer holds my heart. My heart will remain inside the loop with the man who was extracted from me by a rogue lightning bolt. The circumstances that brought me to Houston were not happy, but I'm glad I was here for him to find me. I thank him everyday for finding me.

Thank you Daddy, for finding me when I didn't know I needed to be found. Thank you for bringing things out in me that I didn't know were there, and also for bring out the things I was hiding because they were "just too weird". Thank you for loving me, all of me, my Dominant side as well as my submissive side, the big me as well as the little me and the in between me, the goddess in me as well as the fallible human. Thank you for sharing me with other lovers. Thank you for reassuring me when I get jealous of your others(fallible poly). Thank you for letting me be completely open and honest with my feelings, about our relationships and my relationship to the world. Thank you for sharing your snuff fantasies with me. Thank you for beating the shit out of me because I needed you to. Thank you for beating me just because you enjoy watching me squirm. Thank you for showing me how good it feels to bring a man to his knees. Thank you for serving me, and allowing me to serve you.

Thank you for bravely loving me, for being as stupid over me as I get over you. Thank you for planning with me, even when it gets scary. Thank you for sharing anarchocommunist ideals. Thank you for wanting to change the world with me. Thank you for holding me when everything's too big and scary. Thank you for feeding me bunny-shaped pasta while I cuddle with my Bippo. Thank you for being Daddy in name and behavior. Thank you for spanking me when I'm being a brat. Thank you for loving the brat in me as well as the little angel(she's really there, I promise!).

I'm sad to go without you. We've grown so close in so little time, and it doesn't seem fair to be ripped away from you already. I've finally really been able to get in touch with my little, and now she's venturing out into the world on her own. But I know in my heart of hearts that this is just the first big step on our evolutionary path. I'm digging a big hole between us, so that we can lay the foundation and start building our lives together. I can't wait to build our lives together.

I love you Daddy. I love you Houston friends.